2010: The Year of Highest Highs and Lower Lows

2010. It's the end. The end of another year -- of a decade.

I seem to say this all the time, but it's incredible how much happens in a year -- and how much doesn't. Time fllies. I tend to live a life of extremes, and for me this year has had some of the highest high points and lowest low points of my entire life. I have SO much to be thankful for. So many people to be grateful for.

Back in July I had a full-page story about my dance career in the Sunday New York Times Arts & Leisure section. That was by far the biggest, most exciting thing to happen to me (and to ever happen, probably). Though it added a bit of stress for the first half of the year, being followed by a (wonderful!) reporter and photographer all the time, the end result was incredible. I was SO lucky to have that experience, and I am so thankful for the response I got afterwards from friends and strangers finding my story inspiring.

The only comparable event in my life thus far was dancing in The Radio City Christmas Spectacular, and unfortunately that took a turn for the worse soon after the article. My foot, which had been getting increasingly painful, made me unable to really train for the audition in August. Between not returning to that amazing seasonal job and having to have surgery on my achilles, the rest of my year was a little downhill.

I've had rough patches in years past and every time something better comes out of them. So...that's my outlook for 2011. Things can only get better from here, right?

Last year at this time I was finishing up my 2nd season in the Christmas Show and on New Year's Eve I sat with friends who had written down their resolutions for 2010. I sat with an empty paper -- no plans whatsoever for the year. No job lined up. No performances scheduled. No clue.

This year I danced for 4 new different companies, secured a stable part-time job (related to my degree) with flexible hours (that I still work), moved out of my Lincoln Center apartment of 2 years for a more affordable place in Queens, started teaching more and began my New York City Ballet Workout certification, upped my title to Assistant Director of the Performing in NY Showcases, met an amazing person, started singing lessons, appeared in a commercial and became SAG eligible, got great coverage in The Huffington Post, and managed to go no more than 3 weeks without performing until I had surgery.

I'm entering 2011 with another blank slate. As my foot continues to hurt and heal it's hard to make concrete plans -- which is extremely frustrating for someone who needs control and stability! But I have one long-term dance residency job lined up and a few things in the works. I'm starting a work-study program to begin my pilates certification. We're in preparations to produce another Performing in NY Showcase at Ailey. I still have my job. And I've sent out 50 resumes abroad to hopefully set up an audition tour in Europe.

There are a lot of things I'm hoping for this year. Chief among them is my foot to finally stop hurting and contiue to get stronger.

2010 was a year to get grounded. 2011 will be my year to dream.

This time of year is always a little blue...post-holidays, post-Nutcracker, post-Radio City...but it's also a time to be optimistic. January is a fresh start. 2011 is new. I hope everyone makes their dreams come true this year! I know I'll be working hard for mine...

I am so thankful for all of my experiences, the good and the bad, for I am constantly learning. I have an amazing support system of family, friends, readers, and teachers and am grateful every single day to have them in my life, near or far. I can never express how much I appreciate those who have supported me, who have listened to me, who have given me opportunities, who have encouraged me.

Here's to you!
Happy New Year!

Good News & Bad News

First the good news...
Off Center has made it to the final voting round of Dance Advantage's Reader's Choice Top Dance Blogs 2010! I'm entered in the Dancer Musings category, competing now against Miami City Ballet dancer Rebecca King's blog, Tendus Under a Palm Tree (we're both Rock School alumni!), and Norweigen ballet dancer Henrik's blog, Tights and Tiaras. And then I'm also in the Top 20 category, currently at #3! Exciting!

A HUGE thank you to friends, family, and loyal blog readers who commented on my initial competition post and helped me make it through the comment round! I truly appreciate everyone's effors and support for the blog...it means a lot! But now I'll need more help :) Starting Monday December 27 at 10am EST the final voting round begins. You'll be able to vote only once, for one blog in each category. So...consider Off Center! I'll post voting details and links as soon as they're available, but just a heads up :) You can see the list of competitors in other categories here (it's fun to explore new blogs!)

The bad news...
After taking a week and a half of from dancing per PT's orders, the stupid foot is still hurting. Last night my physical therapist decided it may now be peroneal tendinitis, and so he's going to try to treat it as if that's what the continued pain is until I see the doctor again in January. But...ugh! I'm teninitis = inflammation. But I don't know what I'm doing to keep it inflamed if I'm not dancing?! The solution for this is rest and ice, which I've been doing for way too long now. So frustrating to not have this nearly 4 year old problem solved even post-surgery :/ Whatever - my Christmas present to myself is taking ballet class on Christmas night!

12 Pains of Christmas

(This was supposed to be funny but it actually turned out kind of self-pitying, haha oops. Sorry to be a downer.)

Candy canes are more fun than walking canes.

1. My achilles, 3 1/2 months post-surgery

2. My scar, rubbing against my boots

3. My calf, from the physical therapist digging in

4. My knees, from sitting at this desk all day

5. My hip, jacked up from compensating for the injury

6. My lower back, from holding that long yoga backbend
7. My neck, from sleeping strangely on the bus yesterday

8. My wrists, from stretching on the reformer this morning

9. My biceps, from today's "holiday" pilates session

10. My lip, from biting it after a cookie from the office party

11. My head, from not enough coffee today
12. My heart, from not being able to really dance this Christmas :/

An Injury Update

Somehow I just realized that I haven't posted about my stupid foot since just after I got out of the giant boot!

When it was first decided that I was going to go ahead with the surgery for my achilles bursitis/Haglund's Deformity back in August, my doctor assured me that it would only be a short 3-month recovery til I'd be "back to full dancing." I had my heart set on that Tuesday November 30th date, exactly 12 weeks after my September 7th surgery. In my head I thought I'd be back in pointe shoes and ready to jump into a Nutcracker last minute since I'd still have a month to get stronger.

Not. You see, doctors lie.

The truth is I probably wouldn't have gone ahead with the very necessary surgery if he told me that it would really take much longer to fully heal - but mentally I would've been much healthier if he had exaggerated in the other direction (telling me it would take longer than it really would) so I'd be pleasantly surprised at my progress.

That didn't happen.

Basically, after getting out of the boot I slowly started getting back into class. It was a weird feeling to have such limited mobility at first (I couldn't even cross to fifth position) but it felt SO good to be dancing again, even if it was just 20 minutes of sort-of-barre. With physical therapy I slowly built up my strength, progressing to releves after what felt like forever.

In early November I pushed through one little performance - but it was hip hop and therefore not to stressful on the foot. Then I approached my 3-month recovery mark knowing that I still wasn't really jumping and hadn't even considered trying on a pointe shoe. Hmm. I went ahead and within 3 days of that 3-month mark I danced in 3 different sets of performances. Can you say impatient?

First we had our semi-annual Performing in NY Showcase at Ailey, which I'm assistant director of. These shows keep growing into more and more work, and I was so focused on all the administrative aspects that I barely got to enjoy the fact that I was onstage once again. It also didn't help that I was scared for the foot the whole time, even though my choreography was minimal. Sigh.


Later that week I danced an improvised solo at an AIDS event at Judson Memorial Church. It was a truly touching event to be a part of, but I think the hard floor was a mistake. My already bad pain level went up the next day and PT was not happy with my crazy tight calves!

Embodied Stories at Judson

The following weekend I got to rejoin Exit 12 Dance Company for parts of "Homecoming," which I danced twice over the summer. It was another bad floor but that meant the piece would not be on pointe, so I was able to take part. What a joy to be a part of that group!

Since that one gung ho week the recovery progress has kind of halted. I had been so positive since the surgery - things could only get better. The worst had passed. But the point came where things started to reverse. I'd wake up and be in pain just walking even though I hadn't danced the day before. In class I'd have to stop mid-barre instead of getting through to center pirouettes as I had been. That excruciating tearing feeling at the bottom of my plie was back just like before the surgery.

It's scary.

When I went back to the doctor at the 3-month mark he said, "Oh yeah, we didn't expect you to be better just yet." Gee, thanks. He and PT thought the pain was normal. However...it's still going on. This week PT decided maybe it's inflamed again (how can it be, when I've literally only take 2-3 classes per week? I used to do 2-3 classes a DAY!) so I'm taking the week off from dancing.

Talk about discouraging. Part of me is so willing to rest if it's going to put me back on track. Part of me is so tired of not dancing, and half-dancing, as I have been doing since about June. Part of me is terrified that after all this, the problem is not solved...

I'm really trying to have patience, and through this whole process I've been forcing myself not to push to much (a true challenge for an overachiever...). But...I'm ready to be better. I feel so grateful for all who've been by my side through this. And when I'm finally better I owe my physical therapist a huge present...it's been 8 months.

Recovery: Day 42 - Bootless!

Today's my first day without the boot!

It feels weird, haha. My foot is hurting but not too bad...it's mostly on the outside of my ankle from being stiff and not using it for so long. Supposedly that will go away. It's nowhere near as bad as it used to be pre-surgery, though, so that's a plus.

As I walk without the boot I'm still hobbling a bit. It hurts when I flex and stretch to the extreme, so rolling through my foot in normal parallel as I walk hurts. I walk with one turned out foot exagerating the step because I'm used to stepping onto a big platform boot with added weight. Strange. I'm sure I'll get over it soon (I hope, hah).

It's amazing to be free from the boot, and it was more amazing to try barre last night. I've missed making a bun and getting warmed up and standing in my usual spot. Class itself was sort of amusing because I can barely plie. I can't releve yet. And I tried to do 5th position but it hurt, so I did all of barre from 1st. Hey, it's a start. I made it through all of barre until frappes, when I used the "stop while you're ahead" tactic. I'm really trying to make an effort to listen to my body and come back slow because I KNOW I don't want to do that and I must. I do not want to get hurt again...I can't go through this again...

Recovery: Day 41ish - Goodbye Boot, Hello Barre!

I'm SOOO happy today!

I just went to my doctor for my 6 weeks post-surgery followup and it's all good news: I can stop wearing the gigantic moon boot AND I can start taking gentle barre!

It's very exciting. I've been getting more and more frustrated by the day with the boot and with not being able to move. I'm sort of scared to take barre because a) I do still feel some pain if I try to plie, and b) I'm going to be SO out of shape. But still...I'm happy. I've been taking pilates and half of yoga for two weeks now, and I'll continue with those things to supplement a few barres per week for now. This is much sooner than I was expecting to get to dance!

I see him again in another 6 weeks, by which time I should be back to full dancing he says. Right now the thought of jumping and pointe shoes seems insane, but...I'll get there slowly I guess. Of course I'll continue with PT, but now we get to add strengthening exercises. I'm headed there now to see what fun I'm in for...

Hooray for progress!

Upcoming: NYCB Wellness Workshop

This Saturday New York City Ballet is holding a Dance Wellness Workshop that looks really interesting.

As a dancer recovering from a serious injury, and an almost-certified New York City Ballet Workout instructor, I'm really looking forward to this:

A one-day series of interactive presentations focusing on the care and healing of the dancer’s extraordinary instrument of art—the body.

Saturday, October 16, 2010
10 AM – 6 PM

New York City Ballet Rehearsal Studios
Samuel B. & David Rose Building, 8th Fl.
70 Lincoln Center Plaza

Registration open to students, professional dancers, parents, teachers, and administrators.

Recovery: Days 32-35 - 5 Weeks, Frustration, & Floor Barre

Today marks 5 weeks since the surgery!

It's been a long 5 weeks, too. Especially this past week or so I've been getting extremely antsy and more frustrated by the second at not being able to do anything. I watch Fall for Dance or Nutcracker rehearsal or Rodeo rehearsal for a November show and it *kills* me not to be able to move. It's complicated...

Part of it is that I'm tired of sitting still. Part of it is that dance is my form of expression - of love, frustration, joy, and concentration - and I have no other effective outlet for that right now. Part of it is seeing so many friends moving on happily and improving while I've lost so much strength. Part of it is desperately missing the daily-ness of class and I'm missing out on all that happens there.

The last one is about the only problem I can solve at this point. Even though my physical therapist said I should just start gentle yoga when I get out of the boot, I couldn't take it any more. I started yoga last week (nothing standing up though) and after that I was like a bat out of the cage. I've taken two classes a day for the past 3 days - yoga, pilates, and floor barre.

Now that I've found some options I feel like I'm finally making progress. It feels SO good to work my muscles again after so long off. Ah, that soreness is wonderful, haha. Saturday I took back to back pilates classes at DNA's Free Class Day and afterwards my abs were burning, but I felt so strong. Yesterday I also did double pilates. I'm not sure why I ever stopped taking pilates (no time?) but I really ought to keep up with it even when I'm healthy because it's such a good alternative workout with really focused muscle work.

Sunday in addition to yoga I tried floor barre. It was an interesting class...I've never taken it but it was nice and low impact. You're laying on your back basically the whole time and it targets the rotation and turnout muscles. I enjoyed it, but I think if I'm gonna have to start paying big bucks for classes (why oh why are classes so expensive in this city?!) I want something more physical that wears me out, haha.

Anyway...I go back to PT tomorrow after a week off from him and I'm really hoping this is the end of the giant boot. Then next Monday I see my doctor again and that's when we should start strengthening. The foot hasn't been too bad, though it does sort of hurt in the usual place if I flex and plie...hmm. In my head I'm hoping that means another week or so before I can try basic barre. It'll probably be longer but...fingers crossed.

Recovery: Day 30-31 - Back to Yoga

Restless. That's about the only word that can describe how I've been feeling the past week or so. Though I'm still in the boot, I'm walking almost normal without it around home and mentally I'm desperately missing dancing. But last night I took my first yoga class (actually first anything phsyical class) since surgery and it was fantastic!

(Warning: this is sort of a mindless stream of conciousness about getting back in shape...not sure where I'm going...)

Technically I guess I should wait til I'm officially out of the boot to start getting back in shape, but technically the doctor said I *could* be out of the boot this week. I'm just waiting for my physical therapist to return to give me the okay. So I went ahead and did half of yoga - just the sitting half - and I'm so glad I did.

After a month of doing literally nothing physical I felt like I was reintroduced to a brand new body. It was very strange...it's like that sense of wearing someone else's shoes: they fit, but something's not right. My muscles felt oddly tight and loose at the same time. I know that doesn't make sense but it's true. Stretches that I never used to feel anything on suddenly twinged with constraint, but other positions that used to feel stuck now felt more free. I think when I'm in shape and turning out all the time my muscles almost block the openness of my joints. I'm not sure that's an anatomically correct statement, but that's what it sort of seems like. I mostly noticed this in the front of my hips...normally if I try to sit up and hold my knees parallel close to my chest I can't even get them to touch together, nevermind curl my chest over towards them. Last night it was so easy all of a sudden!

It made me think of how carefully I need to retrain my muscles as I start getting myself together again soon. I've always had a habbit of "gripping" my muscles while dancing because I'm sort of built to do so, but that's not good for you. It will be super hard for me, but I want to try to force myself to retrain slowly and more correctly so that I strengthen my muscles while keeping the length and ease that has come of relaxation (it's like my body has been refreshed, and although I certainly don't feel all energized and renewed, apparently my muscles are and they're just not telling me). It won't be easy.

Now that I've proven I'm able to do at least basic gentle yoga, I'm going to ease into a schedule of more and more yoga/pilates until I'm allowed to take barre. Once I'm offiically out of the boot I'll start standing poses and will be able to do more. But I think tomorrow I'm going to try hot yoga for the first time at Yoga to the People (anyone done that?) and then next week I'll take some pilates classes.

I'm so ready to be back in shape. I felt amazing after my half yoga class last night and this morning I'm actually not nearly as sore as I was expecting to be. And the best part is that my foot is completely pain-free still :)

Recovery: Days 20-22 - Starting PT

Yesterday I started back up with physical therapy - my first appointment since the surgery. My therapist greeted me with open arms. We've been together since May. Going on six months of PT (well, that's counting September which was mostly spent on crutches, not in therapy). As he was writing my new evaluation to kick things off we agreed that this better be the last first-time he ever sees me!

Anyway he said things look really good. He removed the tape my doctor had put on the incision last week and the wound is pretty much healed. It still looks kind of gross, but it's way better than the past times I've had to look at it. The bruising is less and the nasty blood stains are gone (ewww). He did some handwork around it to start "molding the scar tissue" so that it doesn't make my ankle joint stiffen up. Then he dug into my calf a little to find that yes, it's still ridiculously tight even though I haven't been dancing. Guess I was just born with tight muscles, haha.

He tested my range of motion and was pleasantly surprised that it was "scarily good." (It probably doesn't help - or does? - that I've been semi-dancing/marking steps in the boot while teaching rehearsals this week...) He said I was only missing like 5 degrees of flexibility when I point or flex my foot. I was happy to hear that! Although, that's not saying much considering my good foot doesn't point like a pretty ballet arch to begin with, haha. Whatever.

For another week or two we'll continue just gentle stretching and working around the scar. After I see my doctor in October we'll finally begin strengthening so I can get back to dancing. He said best case would be that I can start taking basic barre 3 weeks after we start strengthening...but seriously, if I'm out of the boot 2 weeks from now and can stand and plie decent enough, I may try a little barre. There's no sense in pushing it because I have no auditions or anything officially scheduled til my official 3 months are up. But I really really really miss dancing...

It was cool though - as my therapist was poking around my heel there was NO pain! It was an odd feeling to see him pressing on the areas that used to feel excrutiating for 3 years and now to feel absolutely nothing. It was like I was numb or something because I'm so used to seeing that and associating it with the intense pain that used to be there. I hope it stays that way forever!

Interview w/ Janet Jackson Dancer Ellenore Scott from SYTYCD!

Photo by Lee Cherry

In a matter of months, Ellenore Scott has had the extensive, diverse, and popular dance career so many only dream of. After appearing as a finalist on So You Think You Can Dance?, the La Guardia High School for the Arts graduate has gone on to serious commercial success. She dances with Janet Jackson! (And before her fame we did an intensive with TAKE Dance together...she was fierce.)

Read my interview below with Ellenore about her recent gigs, the importance of finding an agent, and her struggle with injuries (we share the same doctor!).
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You've had a whirlwind couple of years with amazing dance gigs! What have been some of the highlights for you?

My time on “So You Think You Can Dance?” was a magical and amazing experience. I had a blast and it let me to do so many different things! After SYTYCD, I had the pleasure of working with Adam Shankman on the 82nd Anuual Academy Awards, which was brilliant! Since then I worked on the soap opera “One Life to Live” as a principal dancer and am now dancing for Janet Jackson.

Let's talk Janet Jackson. What was that audition process like? How did you feel when you got the job?

The Janet Jackson audition was like no other audition I have done before. I reminded me of what auditions used to be like back in the day. Girls lining up out side the studio with full make-up and hair done, holding headshots and resumes in the rain for 3 hours just to be seen. It was very surreal. Once all the dancers were in we didn't even get to dance! First cut was appearance only...what a shocker! The next two rounds of callbacks consisted of learning a very girly routine as well as Rhythm Nation, which for me was amazing. I have been watching Janet Jackson music videos since I was 8! It was a pleasure just to learn four eight-counts from the choreography. Ms. Jackson came in at the last round to hand pick some dancers she wanted to see. When I got the phone call I got the job, I flipped out! I started to cry! I called my mom and told her and my dad and they were both so proud! I was a great moment in my dance career.


Ellenore, right, with Janet Jackson!

What was life on tour like with her? What was your typical schedule?

For about a month we work everyday [no days off!] for 8-10 hours a day learning all of the choreography. We were performing at the Essence Music Festival in New Orleans and she had a set list of 36 songs, 30 dance songs. So we had to learn 30 of Ms. Jackson iconic singles in the month! Talk about crazy! We had to learn and perfect about 1-2 dances a day. I have never been pushed so far in a physical sense and mentally as well. Ms. Jackson was very kind to all the dancers, taking us all out to dinner or bowling for someones birthday, always being very gracious in rehearsals. It was an amazing experience. Next stop for me and the Janet Crew in Shanghai, China in 2011!

You were a hit on SYTYCD! How did that help your career?

Gosh, I'd have to say that show single-handedly jumpstarted my dance careers. Before the show I was dancing with small dance companies here and there, but wasn't getting anything big time. I sent my headshots and resumes to different talent agencies in the city but nobody responded to me. The minute I got off the show and headed back to the Big Apple, I had a agent and I was booking jobs. It was so different for me! And now anytime I go to an audition, at least one person will come up to me and say, “Are you Ellenore from SYTYCD?” It an awesome feeling that people watched the show and enjoyed what I did on that stage.

How did you signing with an agent come about? How is that beneficial to your career?

Yes, I am currently now with MSA Talent Agency and they are great! Lucille, the head of the Dance Department, contacted me directly after the show. Many of the Alums from SYTYCD work with MSA, but most of the dancers are in LA. Since being with MSA I have been working non-stop! I love being with an agency because they find auditions they I probably never even heard of! I've danced for a Japanese Chocolate commercial, Propel Water commercial, Macy's live event, you name it! At least with MSA they treat me like family, which is so great in this industry. They really have helped me since the show and I love them for that!

Have you struggled with any injuries in your dancing? How have you overcome them?

I had my first surgery on my left knee. It was awful. I thought I'd never be able to walk again. With the help of Dr. Rose and the the physical therapists at Harkness Center for Dance Injuries, I had arthroscopic non-invasive surgery and was healed within five weeks after the surgery! My latest injury I have sustained was from SYTYCD. During the Machine Gun piece with fellow dancer Legacy, I feel on my right shoulder and almost dropped out of the competition. After taking one day off the rehearsals, one of the producers got me an appointment with a nearby doctor that treated my pain temporarily. Because of that I got to finish my run on the show. However, it did not fix the problem. My shoulder still hasn't gotten better and I've been having pain for about a year. I recently had another surgery on my right shoulder, again by Dr. Rose, and I am in recovery now. All I have to say is be preventative, exercise regularly outside of dancing and always eat right. And if you do get an injury that technically isn't your fault [like falling out of a chair!] then don't beat yourself up. It can be fixed through proper care and seeing a doctor.

Who have been the greatest influences on your dance career? How have they helped you?

I have had many mentors in my life, including Christian Von Howard, Earl Mosley and Nathan Trice. These extraordinary men took me under their wings and allowed me to grow as an individual while learning from them personally. I was in both Mr. Von Howards and Mr. Trice's companies when I was in high school and Earl Mosley selected me to help him set a dance piece on the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater by the time I was 17. These men helped me discover my dream and molded me into the dancer I am today. For them I am so grateful.

Any advice to young dancers looking to enter the commercial dance world?

The best advice I can give is try to get an agent. As crazy and hard as that sounds I bet if you send in a headshot and resume and a reel of you dancing with an interest in that particular agency, they will be more inclined to ask to meet with you. Also, take class with different people as much as you can. I know a lot of dancers that have gotten work from a teacher they took with at Broadway Dance Center or Steps. And when you are at an audition let your true personality shine through. In the commercial world choreographers and producers are looking for good dancers, but they are also looking for dancers that know how to perform and put on a show!

Recovery: Days 16-19

Not much happening on the recovery front these past few days. I'm so thrilled to be off the crutches, but the boot still makes traveling a hassle. I have to walk pretty slow (well, slow compared to my normal New York pace) and stairs are a pain. I can't do the subway stairs yet, so it still takes an hour or more to get most anywhere via bus(es). Not so fun.

At home I've started taking the boot off to walk around and that seems to be going okay, sort of. My ankle joint is super stiff and it starts to hurt if I fully roll through my foot as I walk. But...it's getting there. It's supposed to be at least another week before I try to go boot-less.

In the meantime I'm getting very restless. I want to dance SO badly! I've been sitting in on rehearsals for Nutcracker and for our November show at Ailey and I've been standing to do arms and mark the legs of choreography, but it's SO tempting to just dance! Saturday I accidentally sort of jumped on the bad foot - stupid - and that was the end of that. I think even when I'm out of the boot I may still have to wear it in rehearsals for a while to force me not to do things!

I start PT on Wednesday and depending on what he says, I may try to start back with my yoga as much as I can (maybe no standing poses...). I miss moving. My body feels sort of weird...I feel sort of loose and mushy from not working my muscles, but at the same time my back and hips ache as if I've had a tough class. Strange.

Recovery: Day 15 - Goodbye Crutches!

Yesterday was my first day without the crutches!

It was a momentous occasion :) Those things have been slowly killing me, one day at a time, making life in this city miserable. 3 days after the doctor said I could slowly wean myself off of them, they're long gone! I'm happy.

I'm still in the giant, heavy boot and I still walk super slow and can't really do stairs well, but it's so much better than before. I have to wear a really high shoe on my right foot though to balance out the giant-ness of the boot. It's kind of awkward to walk but...at least I can. I was a little afraid I'd go one day and be like, uh oh, still need them. The foot doesn't really hurt without them, but my calf is a little twingy and if I go far I start to feel it. It's better than the serious arm and back pain I was having earlier this week!

Fund for Freelance Dancers?

So my brain has been spinning this past week with ideas of how to make this injury/recovery process easier. Then last night a friend from class told me there were a few people who wanted to help me but didn't know what I needed - she said maybe we can find someone with a car near me...or start a fund for a car service on days I have to work early, or something.

That sparked me.

Why isn't there such a fund for injured dancers? I did some quick research this morning and found that yes, the big unions (Equity, AGMA) have some sort of emergency relief fund supposedly available to members, and there is a more recent Emergency Fund for Student Dancers that covers full-time students at a few New York City dance schools. And there's NYCB's Dancers Emergency Fund and a similar thing at ABT. And there are a whole slew of foundations for other art forms: music, literature, fine arts...

But for the loads of freelance dancers today - who are not provided with worker's compensation or health insurance - there are no resources. Maybe I'm missing something, but I don't think so. I'm not really looking for my own benefit at this point - the crutches are almost gone and life is getting easier (even though I won't be able to dance/make money from dancing for at least another 2 months). But isn't there a way to help other dancers who may go through major injuries and surgery like me?

I'm not sure how to go about this - in the past I've researched the process of starting a non-profit and it seems complicated and really time consuming. Time is NOT one of the things going for me at this point. I need to focus on work and getting back to dancing.

But injured dancers struggle. Especially in New York City, it's nearly impossible to get around without being forced to splurge on a taxi now and then. A trip to stay with family costs money (I'm fortunate to have family only a bus ride away in Boston, but others may need expensive plane fare). For those without health insurance it's an even worse financial struggle (again, I am fortunate. I'm still covered under my dad's insurance for a little bit longer). There has to be a way to help?

This is mostly a brainstorm at this point, but any ideas/advice are welcome!

Recovery: Day 13 & 14 - 2 Weeks Later

Yesterday was the 2 week anniversary of my surgery and I celebrated by taking quite a few steps without the crutches. I was at work most of the day and it's terribly hard to carry important things around while using both crutches, so finally I gave them up just to hobble around the not-so-big office. It's really awkward to walk without them because the boot is so much higher than my normal right shoe, but it's more fun than crutching!

After work I went to help at Nutcracker rehearsal and actually sort of "danced" a little. By "danced" I mean I stood on the bad foot (yes, still in the boot...) and made passe' and that kind of thing, haha. I can't exactly move around swiftly (or quickly) but I can pose :) It felt good to do something resembling ballet, even if just briefly.

Later I was in a really inconvenient place to any bus I needed to take home to Queens, so I actually took the subway for the first time on the crutches. There was an elevator at the stop I was near, so that meant I'd just have to go down stairs only once when I arrive home to Queens. It wasn't so bad - and seemed lightning fast compared to the stupid buses I've been taking. But I'm not ready to do that all the time just yet. I'm so slow and I feel bad holding everybody else up in foot traffic. Plus the stairs sort of hurt and I already have to do 3 flights just to get up to my apartment. So...no more than necessary, please.

I really hate taking the bus in the morning, though. I often work at 8:30am in midtown. So yesterday for my first shot at rush hour on crutches from Queens I gave myself a ton of time, leaving the house at 6:55am (ugh). I ended up arriving 45 minutes early with nothing to do. So today I left at 7:15am. Bad idea. I was actually LATE for work by 15 minutes. Between normal traffic and the UN being in town, it was not fun. Plus the bus was overloaded with people and we had to stop to check the air pressure, haha. Great. Guess I'll have to keep getting up too early to get ahead of traffic.

In the meantime I set up my first PT session (well, first for this round) for next Wednesday afternoon. They have to go through the whole inital evaluation all over again, even though I'd been going there for over 3 months before the surgery. Whatever it takes - I just want to be back dancing!

My Article on Injuries

Last night I was going through some things and happened to come across the first big article I ever had published in print - and ironically it was about dancers and serious injuries:

Casting a Shadow: Injuries and Life

from Movmnt Magazine Spring 2008

I remember sitting through these interviews at the time, both in awe of the wonderful people I was speaking to and in strong sympathy for their stories of pain and recovery. Only now that I'm going through it all myself does my own writing take on new meaning. Hmm...

My last paragraph:

"Despite their temporary loss of ability for creative expression, the injured try to stay positive. “To get back from an injury is like getting ready for the next show,” says (ABT soloist Carlos) Lopez. “At the end of the day you’re investing in your body. That’s what you have. This career is not that long as a performer. I think if I can invest as much as I can right now, then I have time later to recover from the damage that we’re doing all these years.” Dancers face these inherent problems daily, but like life, the show must go on."

Recovery: Day 12 - First Doctor Follow-up

This morning I had my first post-surgery follow-up appointment with my doctor – and it brought good news!

It was sort of a rough morning before that. It was my first day battling rush hour with the crutches and the buses…I didn’t realize JUST how slow things move. I was all stressed out because I was 15 minutes late (though this doctor notoriously runs at least 45 minutes behind schedule…) and then when I got there the receptionist didn’t have my appointment listed for some reason. I was like, um, I’m here…luckily there was no problem and I was actually seen pretty quickly.

The doctor removed the boot and the dressing and took a look. He said it seemed okay and he felt around a little bit. There was no pain where he used to push and I’d cringe – so that’s good! Then he removed the 3 stitches (ew) and taped up the wound a bit.

After that he sent me down the hall for an x-ray. He put my old x-ray with the Haglund’s Deformity and the new one from today up side by side and there’s a big difference in my heel bone. It no longer comes to a sharp point. It’s long and flat like it should be, so it won’t dig into my tendon anymore.

He told me I was doing great for just 2 weeks later, and said that I can start bearing full weight on the foot (which means a little break for my aching arms!). I said, “Still with the crutches?” and he said I could slowly wean myself off of them (hurrah!!!). I’m not entirely sure how slow “slowly” is…but he said if I’m up to it then I can remove the boot in another 2 weeks! Oh that will be amazing…

He gave me a prescription to start physical therapy again just to stretch it. Even the few times I took the boot off myself these 2 weeks I haven’t actually moved the ankle joint. Today he pointed my foot (success…though sadly it still not a pretty ballerina arch, haha) and then went to flex it. Eek. It wasn’t really painful, but it was super stiff. My knee was bent and I could barely get to a 90 degree angle comfortably, which means standing on it flat won’t really work just yet. PT will help I hope.

Anyways I left there with an appointment for a follow up in another 4 weeks, when he’ll start to add strengthening work to my physical therapy plan. That puts me at mid-October.

I’m happy. I was starting to really be afraid of getting around the city on the crutches and in the heavy boot…it’s really really hard. But to know that it’s only a week or so more with crutches and 2 with the boot is really encouraging! Even if I won’t be back to dancing for a while still, just being able to walk is something I miss dearly! We take it for granted but…

When I left I tried to bear weight as he told me and walk semi-normally with the crutches. It was so awkward. The back of my heel sort of feels numb or something because I haven’t used it in 2 weeks. And the boot has a gigantic platform, so if I step on a straight leg as I normally would I have to walk on high releve with my good foot, haha. Weird. I’m sure I’ll get used to it. My right foot sure is glad to have a break though!

It’s progress, anyway…

Recovery: Day 11 - Arms Are Burning

Yesterday was my first full day back to my life in the city, and I jumped right in. I have no time to waste and this foot can't slow me down...or so I thought...

I was super excited to start helping at Nutcracker rehearsals with the group I would've danced with. I missed everyone and have really missed being around ballet in general these 2 weeks. It was my first time trying to travel on crutches on the MTA, and of course hardly any subway stops are handicap accessible. So until I'm off crutches, I'm only really able to take buses.

There are 2 buses at the end of our block here in Queens, but they don't really go to super convenient places in Manhattan. I got on the one that was supposed to stop just 4 blocks away from the studio where I was headed, but it ended up actually stopping 6 blocks and an avenue away. That sounds like nothing, but on crutches that takes like an hour, haha.

Not to mention the fact that this is in tourist-central. I tried to crutch in the lane closest to the buildings so people could get around me easily (when I'm healthy my biggest pet peeve is slow walkers taking up the entire sidewalk!) but people are just rude and not paying attention around there.

Dodging foot traffic was the least of my problems though. I seriously could barely make it a full block before needing a break. My upper back and arms were burning so badly with every step. I had to make a pit stop at Starbucks just to sit down for a minute. Ugh. I'm hoping it'll get easier as I continue (and I'm going to do all I can not to hike quite that far again...).

Eventually I made it to rehearsal, which I'll blog about separately soon.

After that I had to head uptown to class to pick up some paperwork from my teacher (and to say hi :). Another bus ride and crutching an avenue block (do those get longer and longer every time I try it?!) and I made it. I meant to just stop in and leave, but I needed a rest again. I watched pointe class for 10 minutes and was bombarded with ballerina stickers on my boot :)

After all that, which is maybe about 1/3 of my normal NYC day, I was dead tired and my body was all cramped up. But I was supposed to go see a performance that a few friends were in, and I was already not far so...I went. Of course I still had to crutch a few blocks - and uphill at that - but I got there.

I enjoyed the show but dreaded the prospect of the trip home. It took more than an hour and 2 buses (which always seem to leave right as I'm hobbling across the street to catch them...why do I have the worst luck? Haha). The last 3 flights of stairs were torture.

This morning my back and arms and hips are sore as if I had a 4-show day at Radio City. Ouch.

If I can get through 2 more weeks (or more) on crutches in NYC I think I can do just about anything. The foot CAN slow me down. But...it can't stop me!

Recovery: Days 10 - The Trip Back

I was so mentally ready to be back in New York after 10 days at home - but I couldn't really anticipate just how challenging it would be to get around on my own...

Friday morning my parents drove me into Boston to catch the bus. My mom had to come in and bring my bags to the actual bus since I can't carry anything beyond a backpack with the crutches. Luckily they let me board early and I took the front seat on the aisle so my big boot could be in the aisle. But the bus was sold out of course, so I spent the entire 4 1/2 hour ride trying not to let the crutches hit the girl beside me. Not fun.

My foot hasn't really been hurting much at all now, but the boot makes me so uncomfortable and the rest of my body is ache-y. Sitting in one position unable to move much at all for that long was tough. My hip and back were killing. Then the bus driver stopped at a rest stop but wouldn't let anyone off...weird. At least I got to stand for a sec.

Eventually we made it to the city where a friend met me to carry my bags back to Queens. I tried to time the whole trip to avoid rush hour because I can't do subway stairs, so I had to either take the bus or a cab over the bridge. Oy traffic. There's a bus that goes right to my block from nearby the Boston bus, but we couldn't find where it left from. I stood (on one leg) for 45 minutes waiting for my friend to try to find it...but no luck. While I was waiting I had to sit on my bags finally. Some lady walked by and tried to hand me a bouquet of flowers thinking I was homeless or something. Gee, thanks. Haha.

Anyways eventually we took a cab and 45 minutes and $30 later I was home. The timing of this whole endeavor is just awful - just 2 weeks ago I moved from an (extra expensive) elevator building on the upper west side. Now I'm struggling to crutch all the way to my (cheaper) 3rd floor walkup apartment all the way in Queens. Bad. Timing. Anyway, the first time going up these 3 flights of stairs felt like I was climbing Mount Everest. I guess it didn't help that I was carrying an overstuffed backpack. It took me forever, but I made it home!

Ballerina Boot

Tonight I stopped by class briefly to pick up some paperwork for our next show (their next show...since I can't dance...) and I was bombarded by ballerina stickers on my boot :)

It was fun to see everyone!

Watching 5 minutes of pointe class and all of Nutcracker rehearsal today made me want to dance SO bad. I cannot wait until I have fully recovered...